Is “Step” A Dirty Word?

I’ve spoken with several people lately about being in a stepfamily and how they identify themselves and other family members. I’ve found some mixed reactions, but one that has me at least a little bit surprised is the number of people that go out of their way to not identify themselves as being part of a stepfamily. One friend of mine told me that his daughter (really his stepdaughter) would be offended if he called her (or certainly thought of her) as his “step”-daughter. Others have echoed this sentiment. I’ve found, although it’s not scientific or absolute, that dependent upon when a stepparent enters the picture and/or the involvement and presence of the noncustodial parent, the stepparent may take on the more traditional parenting role and hence, the concept of “step” is moot. My aforementioned friend has been the stepfather for more than 20 years (he married the biological mother when his stepdaughter was 4 years old). The biological father has never had a stable relationship with his daughter, and so my friend the stepfather, for all intents and purposes, has been the “father” for many years. I’m curious to know your experience with, and thoughts about this concept. Are you in a stepfamily, but identify your stepparent, stepchildren, and stepsiblings as if they are not “step” at all? Please let me know. As usual, I want to stay in step with you!

Dr. Rick

Stepfather's Day

It’s almost Stepfather’s Day (June 21st, the same as Father’s Day). It gives us the opportunity to say what we’d like to our stepdad as we celebrate his day. Cards we can buy in stores don’t always give us the option to say what we are feeling. If this is the case, write your own sentiments that express what’s really in your heart. Some of the stuff out there is really mushy, and maybe you don’t feel that way. I know many people who have struggled in their relationship with their stepdad, but they’re still trying to make it better. Sometimes people have mixed feelings, good and bad, loving and angry. Don’t be afraid to put it into words if you can. I always think that honesty trumps what everyone thinks you’re supposed to feel. Sometimes short and to the point beats long and drawn out, which can lose its impact. I hope you all enjoy the day.

Dr. Rick

National Stationery Show - Final Installment

Well, we’re back! We had a great time in New York, and more importantly, got great feedback about our printed card line. We learned a lot about the greeting card industry and met many other card creators and manufacturers with companies about the same size as ours. Of course, nobody else is producing cards for stepfamilies, so we feel we’re on the cutting edge of this slice of the population. We had little time to explore the City, but after the Show ended we did spend an extra day to visit Chinatown, Little Italy, and Central Park (Tavern on the Green will never be the same). All in all, it was an educational and fun experience. To enjoy the pictures, click here.

Dr. Rick

Some NTL Stationery Show fun!

Day three! We made some booth design changes to better showcase of our cardline today - this is the third day - tonight we have our supplyside party and we are looking foward to a great afternoon. The sun is finally shinning in New York! Wish us luck!

New York...here we come!

NEW YORK: HERE WE COME!!
We’re down to five days before we leave Miami for the National Stationery Show in New York. Our booth components and printed cards are already on the way and will hopefully be there waiting for us in our booth when we arrive (good luck to that!). Carmen (both wife and stepdaughter), Jeff, and I have worked tirelessly to put the booth together. I must say, it looks pretty impressive. My sister, Hildy, did an unbelievably professional job putting together sample books for the booth and an incredible poster display for our submission into the new company best product contest. For those interested we presented stepcard # 1 (you can look it up at the Online Store). We’re very excited and hope to get some retail stores interested in the card line. New York, being such a huge stage, will give us a great opportunity to educate the public and let them know that greeting cards for stepfamily members are out there. We’ll also tout our FREE e-card website. We’ll be sure to take lots of pictures, which we’ll post when we return. Wish us luck. P.S., we got some press on Sunday in the Washington Post. It’s in an article by the reporter, Theola Labbe-Debose. You can find it here!

thestepcardcollection is a website revolving around families and their issues. Lately I’ve been thinking and talking a lot about my family in Cuba. Everyone I come across is talking about the change in the US policy regarding travel to Cuba. Because I’m a Cuban born American Citizen they think I have the answers. There are many here that think a trip to Cuba is putting money in the hands of that government, there are also many that have always felt that keeping Cuban born Americans that have immigrated to the US over the past 50 years from being able to visit their loved ones in their homeland punishes the families in both countries rather than the Cuban government, in truth it is a bit of both. Though I’ve been here most of my life I still have close family in Cuba that I haven’t seen in over 40 years and barely know. I’ve always wanted to visit but fear of the Cuban government and what could happen to me there has kept me from going. It may be time, what do you think?

Visit us in Booth 1351!

Check us out on YouTube!

New York, New York!!!

This is the first installment of our journey to the New York Stationery Show which is from May 17-20 at the Javits Center. We’re preparing to display our Collection of printed cards to sell to retailers and to get a Card Representative to sell our line. We’re excited about being in New York, but we probably won’t be able to see much except for the Show. Planning and designing our booth is going to be a mission. We all have varying ideas, most good (Carmen and Jeff) and some bad (mine). Although Jeff wants a life-sized cutout of me. No way, I say!!! I’ll keep you updated about our progress and we’ll have plenty of pictures from the design stage through the actual Show. We’re hoping to get the message out that stepfamily greeting cards really exist, but if you’re reading this, you already know that. More to come.

Dr. Rick

HOW IS THE ECONOMY AFFECTING YOU?

Here we are in the midst of a recession, although what does it matter what it’s called, money is tight. I see it all around me! People are cutting back all over. Some people I know who never worried about their job are either concerned that they might lose it, or are already out of work. We’ve had crises in our nation before, but not like this in a long time. Many “experts” say don’t worry, things will rebound in a couple of years—
investments will increase, jobs will be more plentiful, and we’ll be prosperous again. What do we do in the meantime? These same experts predict that things will get worse before they get better. Isn’t that a dreadful thought! This environment really tests our character. Those of us used to lending a helping hand may find that to be more difficult, but hopefully, not impossible. This is where our values, personal commitments, and our family ties get stressed and stretched, but not broken. Hang in there. One day at a time. Maybe one moment at a time, when necessary. Good luck everyone, we’ll need it.

Dr. Rick

Superbowl Sunday

Superbowl Sunday!!!!!
This Sunday I’ll be perched in front of the TV watching the Superbowl, just like millions of others across our nation and throughout the World. It doesn’t matter if you are a fan of Pittsburgh or Arizona, many of us are just fans of football and sports, in general. For me, at least in part, it’s the coordination and cooperation of many that brings a common, singular result. Kinda works like a family should! I’ll be rooting for Arizona (Kurt Warner is a stepfather) since the Dolphins are out of it (again). It’s great to see how the old cliché works: the sum of the parts is much greater than each individual part. Our working together in our families gives us a much greater and satisfying result because we can support and encourage each other, and we can work to our strengths to achieve the common goal. Enjoy the game. Enjoy each other.

Dr. Rick

What's Your View of The World?

What’s Your View Of The World?
Two people are in a relationship and are smart enough to recognize that getting along and moving ahead involves acknowledgement and compromise. The basis of compromise and resolving disagreements comes from the understanding that two people can look at the same picture and see different things. Both views are correct because that’s your view of the world. Let’s face it, we live our lives by the way we see, hear, and feel the world around us. Each of our perspectives is 100% correct, regardless of what is factually real. There are no absolutes! If we will all be tolerant of other people’s opinions and perceptions, things would run alot smoother.
Dr. Rick

Stepfamilies & the Holiday's

Well the holidays are upon us again. I can’t believe 2008 is almost over. This time of year is especially hectic in our house. We celebrate Christmas and Chanukah (Hey! the more food, the better). My stepkids are both adults so they make their own choices about where to go; or in the case of my stepson, he might not be here for Christmas morning at all, much to our disappointment. We’re probably a lot like many families that have blended religions, personalities, politics, backgrounds, traditions, and a host of other differences to hopefully, come up with a better, more rounded end product. I’m extremely happy that Carmen and my stepchildren have made a special effort to learn about my religion and traditions, as I have made an effort to understand their cultural and familial values. Let’s face it, all in all, we’re pretty much alike as we strive to make our lives full and happy. We overcome and work out minor struggles and conflicts as a part of living and growing together. For the most part, life is good. Now, if we could only settle UM vs. FSU. That really gives us fits!!!

What's your favorite family tradition?

Dr. Rick

Holiday's, Stepfamily Relationships and the Ex-es!

At this time of year I am most thankful for the good health of my family and friends and the strong relationships we have. The relationships that come with step or blended families can be very complex. Getting along with new inlaws, etc. is the easy part, the tough part is getting along with the ex-es.

In our case I think we do better than most. Rick’s ex is in another state so we have little contact but mine lives a couple of miles away and has always been very involved in the kids lives so we see him quite a bit. Though it’s not always been easy we decided long ago it’s best for everyone if we would get along. Though we’ve been divorced for some time we are still friends (here we are dancing together at my 50th birthday party last month). We still consider each other family, divorcing someone doesn’t take them or their family out of your life, especially when there are children involved so you have to make the best of it. For us it has been the best way, the family just gets bigger.

I hope many of you have similar relationships, it is certainly better than the alternative.

Carmen

From Carmen's Point of View - Fear of Failure

These are all great comments! I too have an issue with failure, I don't like doing something i'm not good at so often it's hard to try something new but I try not to let it stop me. Though it seems silly now I have a story about junior high school. I wanted to try out for cheerleading and went as far as going to tryouts, getting dressed, then I chickened out and went home. I regretted it for years. Though it's really not important anymore, it still bugs me that fear of failing kept me from trying out, I always remember that when i'm up against any challenge.Carmen

THE ELECTION!

THE ELECTION.
What brings a family closer together or drives them further apart than politics?

I try not to bring the subject up in my family for fear of offending someone or worse, opening the door for them to offend me! The current Presidential election is one of the most important elections in our country’s history. We are at a social, financial, and moral crossroad.Whomever you choose to lead our nation, be sure that he (and in the future, she) does it surrounded by hand-picked intelligent, motivated, hopefully objective people, chosen for their expertise and leadership qualities.

Let’s face it, we all have an opinion, and thankfully in the United States, a voice to express our thoughts and feelings. Use it responsibly, and may the best candidate win leading us back on a positive track.

Dr. Rick

Hey Stepfathers!!

Hey Stepfathers! What happens when everything seems to be going smoothly in the family, then all of a sudden you get ganged up on when your opinion differs from theirs? (in my case by my wife and stepdaughter--aka the Gilmore Girls).

Sometimes I really feel like I see their point of view, but it doesn't make sense to me. Then again, it's two to one! Kinda makes you think--am I really off base or are they just the 'Home Team". I don't necessarily want to figure this out, I just want to be comfortable with it. I thought it might change over time, but as we all get older I think we all get more opinionated. Maybe that's okay.

Dr. Rick

Easter's Right Around The Corner

Easter is early this year so preparations for the holiday have already begun. I wonder if your family is planning a big dinner? I know that in past years my family had to make arrangements to coordinate meal times, accomodating the childrens' attending our dinner and their biological father's family dinner in the same day (talk about calories!). My stepchildren are older now so they can work this stuff out for themselves, but when children are younger and they need to be taxied back and forth on occasions like this, it can get complicated. Of course, the bottom line is that each family, old and new, gets to spend important time together. But, I certainly remember how hectic is was for us. Hope you all have a happy Easter. FYI, Passover begins on April 19th. Different religion, same story. It's amazing how alike we really are!
Dr. Rick

What are your experiences?

When I first became a stepfather my stepkids were already teenagers. It was extremely difficult to come into the family and be a parent—giving directives, setting limits, enforcing rules—until their mother gave me explicit authority to do so.

I’ve found that this permission is essential to make the relationship work. I can’t say that it worked perfectly, far from it—but it really helped. I wonder if it might have been a bit different if the kids were younger when I married their Mom. What are your experiences? I’d love to hear from you.

Dr Rick

Welcome to my BLOG!

Hi! I am Dr. Rick, and I am new to blogging and being online, but I'm open to learning new things. I've been a Stepfather for 10 years and a Psychologist for almost 20 years. I started writing cards for my Stepchildren when I couldn't find anything else in the marketplace that expressed what I was feeling about them.

Now, I know I am not alone - 1 out of 3

familes TODAY is a Stepfamily. Over the past several months I have taken my cards and my ideas and really developed them. I hired a team of experts to help me get my idea going.

My dream is to share my thoughts and recognition of stepfamiles with the world. So, what does my dream, experts, my wife, all these cards I have written over the years, etc...etc. really mean? It means, I created a website where people can send FREE e-cards to each other - anyone can join. http://www.thestepcardcollection.com/, caters specifically to stepfamilies and their unique emotional and communication challenges and triumphs.

In addition to the website, I really want to share my thoughts, and inspire and motivate others to do the same. Welcome to my blog, feel free to share, inspire and interact with me here. Got a question? Want to share pertinent information, issues, or data with families like yours? "Dr. Rick's Step-Forum is just the place."

Thanks for visiting my blog - feel free to subscribe!

Kind Regards,

Dr. Rick