What's My Role?

What happens when, with all good intentions, your attempt to intervene in a family situation involving one of your stepchildren is necessary? Do you find that your approach is as important as your message? When an attempt is made to parent your stepson or stepdaughter, do you carry the weight necessary to have an impact? Have you been given explicit permission by your spouse (their biological parent) to have any authority or power to begin with? Even with your spouse's blessing, are there parameters to your input? If, after you give it your best shot, your stepchild doesn't respond, or doesn't react, or doesn't even care that you've tried to help,
what is your reaction? How much of this is based on the relationship that you've established with your stepchild, and not on your spouse's permission at all? Okay, I've asked a lot of questions, and honestly if I had the answers this would be a completely different blog entry. What do you have to say for yourselves? Please let me know.

Dr. Rick

Some NTL Stationery Show fun!

Day three! We made some booth design changes to better showcase of our cardline today - this is the third day - tonight we have our supplyside party and we are looking foward to a great afternoon. The sun is finally shinning in New York! Wish us luck!

MOTHER’S DAY FOR STEPMOMS

As we approach Mother’s Day (May 10th this year) we reflect on what a special person exists in all our lives. Regardless of time or geography, we celebrate the relationship we have with our Mom, even if she’s no longer with us physically. For those of us in stepfamilies, we get to celebrate the relationship with our stepmom, too. Although this relationship may be very different than the one with our biological Mother, it is oftentimes an important one as well. Let’s face it, some of us have developed great relationships with our stepparents over the years, although I’m not naïve enough to think that that’s always the case. The role a stepparent plays is often a difficult one. They almost never take the place of a biological parent, but fill a void left by a divorce or a death. Let me know how you celebrate Mother’s Day. What kind of relationship have you developed with your Stepmother over the years? Can you celebrate Mother’s Day for your Mom and your Stepmom? On May 10th let’s celebrate Mother’s Day for all Mothers!

Dr. Rick

Visit us in Booth 1351!

Stepfamilies in Australia

Stepfamilies today are becoming a prominent part of Australian family life. It is currently estimated that one in five Australian families is a stepfamily. All families need information, education and support. While resources for biological families are available in the community, services often fail to address the unique differences associated with stepfamilies. Stepfamilies Australia is a partnership between the Stepfamily Associations of Victoria, South Australia, Western Australia, New South Wales, Queensland and Tasmania, formed in July 2007.

Stepfamilies Australia works as a catalyst, adding value to the family relationships sector. The innovative work of its members takes a lead to break through myths and sends a message to the community that stepfamilies are complex and hard work, but also achievable, with support.

For more information, news and tips please visit the Stepfamilies Australia website!

GEARING UP FOR NEW YORK-installment #2

Just eight weeks away, we’re getting really excited about the National Stationery Show (May 17-20). We’re in the process of figuring out how to design our booth so we can best show off our card line. This show is the Super Bowl of card shows, and we need to introduce the public to stepcards. We’ve booked a hotel so we can walk back and forth to the venue. We’ve been told that the four day Show is intense and not to expect to do anything else in New York until the Show is over. We’ll be thrilled if we can get a Card Rep to carry our line and also if we can talk to Retailers who might put our cards in their stores. We know we need a “grass roots” effort to get our cards out there, and we’re in it for the long haul. We’ll keep you posted. To all our subscribers and supporters, thanks for your help.

Carmen & Dr. Rick

Check us out on YouTube!

Lasting Friendships

This weekend we had a barbeque with some of my long time friends. We brought together a group of friends that haven’t seen each other in 15-20years. Though I’ve seen some of them off and on we haven’t stayed connected the way we should have, Rick hadn’t even met some. When you do something like this memories fly back into your mind making you feel almost like a teenager again and taking you back to another life. Alina, the redhead was my best friend growing up, we met in first grade. We just reconnected after a 15 year separation and it’s like we never were apart. As always we have promised to stay in touch and I think this time we will, we are all mature enough to realize how quickly time flies and how important true friends, old and new, are to our lives.

Carmen

HOW IS THE ECONOMY AFFECTING YOU?

Here we are in the midst of a recession, although what does it matter what it’s called, money is tight. I see it all around me! People are cutting back all over. Some people I know who never worried about their job are either concerned that they might lose it, or are already out of work. We’ve had crises in our nation before, but not like this in a long time. Many “experts” say don’t worry, things will rebound in a couple of years—
investments will increase, jobs will be more plentiful, and we’ll be prosperous again. What do we do in the meantime? These same experts predict that things will get worse before they get better. Isn’t that a dreadful thought! This environment really tests our character. Those of us used to lending a helping hand may find that to be more difficult, but hopefully, not impossible. This is where our values, personal commitments, and our family ties get stressed and stretched, but not broken. Hang in there. One day at a time. Maybe one moment at a time, when necessary. Good luck everyone, we’ll need it.

Dr. Rick

Superbowl Sunday

Superbowl Sunday!!!!!
This Sunday I’ll be perched in front of the TV watching the Superbowl, just like millions of others across our nation and throughout the World. It doesn’t matter if you are a fan of Pittsburgh or Arizona, many of us are just fans of football and sports, in general. For me, at least in part, it’s the coordination and cooperation of many that brings a common, singular result. Kinda works like a family should! I’ll be rooting for Arizona (Kurt Warner is a stepfather) since the Dolphins are out of it (again). It’s great to see how the old cliché works: the sum of the parts is much greater than each individual part. Our working together in our families gives us a much greater and satisfying result because we can support and encourage each other, and we can work to our strengths to achieve the common goal. Enjoy the game. Enjoy each other.

Dr. Rick

Stepfamilies & the Holiday's

Well the holidays are upon us again. I can’t believe 2008 is almost over. This time of year is especially hectic in our house. We celebrate Christmas and Chanukah (Hey! the more food, the better). My stepkids are both adults so they make their own choices about where to go; or in the case of my stepson, he might not be here for Christmas morning at all, much to our disappointment. We’re probably a lot like many families that have blended religions, personalities, politics, backgrounds, traditions, and a host of other differences to hopefully, come up with a better, more rounded end product. I’m extremely happy that Carmen and my stepchildren have made a special effort to learn about my religion and traditions, as I have made an effort to understand their cultural and familial values. Let’s face it, all in all, we’re pretty much alike as we strive to make our lives full and happy. We overcome and work out minor struggles and conflicts as a part of living and growing together. For the most part, life is good. Now, if we could only settle UM vs. FSU. That really gives us fits!!!

What's your favorite family tradition?

Dr. Rick

Holiday's, Stepfamily Relationships and the Ex-es!

At this time of year I am most thankful for the good health of my family and friends and the strong relationships we have. The relationships that come with step or blended families can be very complex. Getting along with new inlaws, etc. is the easy part, the tough part is getting along with the ex-es.

In our case I think we do better than most. Rick’s ex is in another state so we have little contact but mine lives a couple of miles away and has always been very involved in the kids lives so we see him quite a bit. Though it’s not always been easy we decided long ago it’s best for everyone if we would get along. Though we’ve been divorced for some time we are still friends (here we are dancing together at my 50th birthday party last month). We still consider each other family, divorcing someone doesn’t take them or their family out of your life, especially when there are children involved so you have to make the best of it. For us it has been the best way, the family just gets bigger.

I hope many of you have similar relationships, it is certainly better than the alternative.

Carmen

Success and Courage

OK so enough about failure let’s talk about success or courage:
As I have said i am very involved in issues concerning women and women’s rights. A couple of weeks ago I had the privilege of meeting with an international delegation of women from Saudi Arabia, Lebanon, Morocco and the UAE. These women are just beginning the fight for women’s rights in their countries. I was so impressed with their courage and determination in these countries where women are still seen and not heard. They have a long road ahead but are determined to have a better place in their society for themselves and their daughters.
We learned during our discussion that though we may be a bit ahead of them in this regard (not nearly enough) the issues and concerns we face as women are not so different regardless of where you live.
Through the wonders of technology we are keeping in touch through Facebook. I am honored to have met them, wish them the best of luck and send them my support.
Carmen

From Carmen's Point of View - Fear of Failure

These are all great comments! I too have an issue with failure, I don't like doing something i'm not good at so often it's hard to try something new but I try not to let it stop me. Though it seems silly now I have a story about junior high school. I wanted to try out for cheerleading and went as far as going to tryouts, getting dressed, then I chickened out and went home. I regretted it for years. Though it's really not important anymore, it still bugs me that fear of failing kept me from trying out, I always remember that when i'm up against any challenge.Carmen

Fear of Failure

I’ve met many people who talk about fearing failure. Some discuss this in terms of their family and the lessons they learned growing up; some talk about feeling anxious when they must perform, whether at work or in their personal lives, without a “safety net;” others fear the disappointment, sadness, frustration, or even ridicule, that may accompany failing at something.

There are two ways fearing failure may affect us. In the negative sense, sometimes people fear failing to such an extent that it immobilizes them. Instead of energizing themselves to try something, they are so wrought with fear that they can’t move at all. On the other side, some people fear failing and it motivates them to concentrate harder, work more diligently and effectively, and ultimately succeed. Most successful people in our society fear failure, but use it as a motivator. They don’t like or want to fail, and so they avoid it at all costs.

How does the concept of failing affect your life? Does it motivate you or scare you to death? Let me know.
Dr. Rick

The Elections are finally over!

Regardless of how you voted in these elections or how you feel about the outcome I bet you are glad it’s over! I am very politically active, very involved in women’s issues and very passionate and vocal about my opinions in these areas…much more than my other half--Dr. Rick. (The picture above is from the Miami County Commission for Women.)

This year in particular the election cycle has been hard. My family has been divided on the candidates and some of the issues as have some of my friends so this has put an unusual amount of stress on many of our relationships. Dealing with these issues is hard for all of us but in the case of step families where we combine families that may not have the same opinions on political issues it can be a real challenge. It takes a lot of patience, communication, compromise and love to work through it all but with a little effort it can be done. Luckily for our stepfamily we share similar views on most things in our little unit (or at least I think we do) but the extended family is a different story and it’s been tough…I for one am glad that this election is over, we’ve survived it and now we can all move forward.
I hope this change is a positive one and that our country and families will be unified under this new leadership. Step or not it is family that is most important, it’s time to get over our differences and look forward to better times and a brighter future!

How did this election impact your life?

Have a great day,

Carmen (aka the better half)

THE ELECTION!

THE ELECTION.
What brings a family closer together or drives them further apart than politics?

I try not to bring the subject up in my family for fear of offending someone or worse, opening the door for them to offend me! The current Presidential election is one of the most important elections in our country’s history. We are at a social, financial, and moral crossroad.Whomever you choose to lead our nation, be sure that he (and in the future, she) does it surrounded by hand-picked intelligent, motivated, hopefully objective people, chosen for their expertise and leadership qualities.

Let’s face it, we all have an opinion, and thankfully in the United States, a voice to express our thoughts and feelings. Use it responsibly, and may the best candidate win leading us back on a positive track.

Dr. Rick