STEPGRANDPARENTS - Sometimes Lost in the Mix!

Stepgrandparents usually enter into a family in one of two ways. They marry someone older when they are older and they get a huge package which includes stepchildren and stepgrandchildren. Or, their biological child marries someone who has children from a previous relationship and voila, they get new stepgrandchildren. Either way, I’ve talked with people in this situation and manytimes they are confused about their grandparent identity and/or their role. A lot of the time the responsibility falls on your shoulders to “keep a finger in the pie.” Let’s face it, you can still act like the typical grandparents—rile up the kids, have fun at their parents expense, and then go home. What do your stepgrandchildren call you? Is it OK to call you by your first name or refer to you as Aunt or Uncle? If their four other biological grandparents are still around do they really see you as a Bonus or as an odd extension to the family? So, all you stepgrandparents out there—let me hear from you. What are your experiences?

Dr. Rick

Is “Step” A Dirty Word?

I’ve spoken with several people lately about being in a stepfamily and how they identify themselves and other family members. I’ve found some mixed reactions, but one that has me at least a little bit surprised is the number of people that go out of their way to not identify themselves as being part of a stepfamily. One friend of mine told me that his daughter (really his stepdaughter) would be offended if he called her (or certainly thought of her) as his “step”-daughter. Others have echoed this sentiment. I’ve found, although it’s not scientific or absolute, that dependent upon when a stepparent enters the picture and/or the involvement and presence of the noncustodial parent, the stepparent may take on the more traditional parenting role and hence, the concept of “step” is moot. My aforementioned friend has been the stepfather for more than 20 years (he married the biological mother when his stepdaughter was 4 years old). The biological father has never had a stable relationship with his daughter, and so my friend the stepfather, for all intents and purposes, has been the “father” for many years. I’m curious to know your experience with, and thoughts about this concept. Are you in a stepfamily, but identify your stepparent, stepchildren, and stepsiblings as if they are not “step” at all? Please let me know. As usual, I want to stay in step with you!

Dr. Rick

What's My Role?

What happens when, with all good intentions, your attempt to intervene in a family situation involving one of your stepchildren is necessary? Do you find that your approach is as important as your message? When an attempt is made to parent your stepson or stepdaughter, do you carry the weight necessary to have an impact? Have you been given explicit permission by your spouse (their biological parent) to have any authority or power to begin with? Even with your spouse's blessing, are there parameters to your input? If, after you give it your best shot, your stepchild doesn't respond, or doesn't react, or doesn't even care that you've tried to help,
what is your reaction? How much of this is based on the relationship that you've established with your stepchild, and not on your spouse's permission at all? Okay, I've asked a lot of questions, and honestly if I had the answers this would be a completely different blog entry. What do you have to say for yourselves? Please let me know.

Dr. Rick

Stepfather's Day

It’s almost Stepfather’s Day (June 21st, the same as Father’s Day). It gives us the opportunity to say what we’d like to our stepdad as we celebrate his day. Cards we can buy in stores don’t always give us the option to say what we are feeling. If this is the case, write your own sentiments that express what’s really in your heart. Some of the stuff out there is really mushy, and maybe you don’t feel that way. I know many people who have struggled in their relationship with their stepdad, but they’re still trying to make it better. Sometimes people have mixed feelings, good and bad, loving and angry. Don’t be afraid to put it into words if you can. I always think that honesty trumps what everyone thinks you’re supposed to feel. Sometimes short and to the point beats long and drawn out, which can lose its impact. I hope you all enjoy the day.

Dr. Rick

National Stationery Show - Final Installment

Well, we’re back! We had a great time in New York, and more importantly, got great feedback about our printed card line. We learned a lot about the greeting card industry and met many other card creators and manufacturers with companies about the same size as ours. Of course, nobody else is producing cards for stepfamilies, so we feel we’re on the cutting edge of this slice of the population. We had little time to explore the City, but after the Show ended we did spend an extra day to visit Chinatown, Little Italy, and Central Park (Tavern on the Green will never be the same). All in all, it was an educational and fun experience. To enjoy the pictures, click here.

Dr. Rick

Some NTL Stationery Show fun!

Day three! We made some booth design changes to better showcase of our cardline today - this is the third day - tonight we have our supplyside party and we are looking foward to a great afternoon. The sun is finally shinning in New York! Wish us luck!

New York...here we come!

NEW YORK: HERE WE COME!!
We’re down to five days before we leave Miami for the National Stationery Show in New York. Our booth components and printed cards are already on the way and will hopefully be there waiting for us in our booth when we arrive (good luck to that!). Carmen (both wife and stepdaughter), Jeff, and I have worked tirelessly to put the booth together. I must say, it looks pretty impressive. My sister, Hildy, did an unbelievably professional job putting together sample books for the booth and an incredible poster display for our submission into the new company best product contest. For those interested we presented stepcard # 1 (you can look it up at the Online Store). We’re very excited and hope to get some retail stores interested in the card line. New York, being such a huge stage, will give us a great opportunity to educate the public and let them know that greeting cards for stepfamily members are out there. We’ll also tout our FREE e-card website. We’ll be sure to take lots of pictures, which we’ll post when we return. Wish us luck. P.S., we got some press on Sunday in the Washington Post. It’s in an article by the reporter, Theola Labbe-Debose. You can find it here!

thestepcardcollection is a website revolving around families and their issues. Lately I’ve been thinking and talking a lot about my family in Cuba. Everyone I come across is talking about the change in the US policy regarding travel to Cuba. Because I’m a Cuban born American Citizen they think I have the answers. There are many here that think a trip to Cuba is putting money in the hands of that government, there are also many that have always felt that keeping Cuban born Americans that have immigrated to the US over the past 50 years from being able to visit their loved ones in their homeland punishes the families in both countries rather than the Cuban government, in truth it is a bit of both. Though I’ve been here most of my life I still have close family in Cuba that I haven’t seen in over 40 years and barely know. I’ve always wanted to visit but fear of the Cuban government and what could happen to me there has kept me from going. It may be time, what do you think?

MOTHER’S DAY FOR STEPMOMS

As we approach Mother’s Day (May 10th this year) we reflect on what a special person exists in all our lives. Regardless of time or geography, we celebrate the relationship we have with our Mom, even if she’s no longer with us physically. For those of us in stepfamilies, we get to celebrate the relationship with our stepmom, too. Although this relationship may be very different than the one with our biological Mother, it is oftentimes an important one as well. Let’s face it, some of us have developed great relationships with our stepparents over the years, although I’m not naïve enough to think that that’s always the case. The role a stepparent plays is often a difficult one. They almost never take the place of a biological parent, but fill a void left by a divorce or a death. Let me know how you celebrate Mother’s Day. What kind of relationship have you developed with your Stepmother over the years? Can you celebrate Mother’s Day for your Mom and your Stepmom? On May 10th let’s celebrate Mother’s Day for all Mothers!

Dr. Rick

Check us out on YouTube!

New York, New York!!!

This is the first installment of our journey to the New York Stationery Show which is from May 17-20 at the Javits Center. We’re preparing to display our Collection of printed cards to sell to retailers and to get a Card Representative to sell our line. We’re excited about being in New York, but we probably won’t be able to see much except for the Show. Planning and designing our booth is going to be a mission. We all have varying ideas, most good (Carmen and Jeff) and some bad (mine). Although Jeff wants a life-sized cutout of me. No way, I say!!! I’ll keep you updated about our progress and we’ll have plenty of pictures from the design stage through the actual Show. We’re hoping to get the message out that stepfamily greeting cards really exist, but if you’re reading this, you already know that. More to come.

Dr. Rick

Superbowl Sunday

Superbowl Sunday!!!!!
This Sunday I’ll be perched in front of the TV watching the Superbowl, just like millions of others across our nation and throughout the World. It doesn’t matter if you are a fan of Pittsburgh or Arizona, many of us are just fans of football and sports, in general. For me, at least in part, it’s the coordination and cooperation of many that brings a common, singular result. Kinda works like a family should! I’ll be rooting for Arizona (Kurt Warner is a stepfather) since the Dolphins are out of it (again). It’s great to see how the old cliché works: the sum of the parts is much greater than each individual part. Our working together in our families gives us a much greater and satisfying result because we can support and encourage each other, and we can work to our strengths to achieve the common goal. Enjoy the game. Enjoy each other.

Dr. Rick

Stepfamilies & the Holiday's

Well the holidays are upon us again. I can’t believe 2008 is almost over. This time of year is especially hectic in our house. We celebrate Christmas and Chanukah (Hey! the more food, the better). My stepkids are both adults so they make their own choices about where to go; or in the case of my stepson, he might not be here for Christmas morning at all, much to our disappointment. We’re probably a lot like many families that have blended religions, personalities, politics, backgrounds, traditions, and a host of other differences to hopefully, come up with a better, more rounded end product. I’m extremely happy that Carmen and my stepchildren have made a special effort to learn about my religion and traditions, as I have made an effort to understand their cultural and familial values. Let’s face it, all in all, we’re pretty much alike as we strive to make our lives full and happy. We overcome and work out minor struggles and conflicts as a part of living and growing together. For the most part, life is good. Now, if we could only settle UM vs. FSU. That really gives us fits!!!

What's your favorite family tradition?

Dr. Rick

Holiday's, Stepfamily Relationships and the Ex-es!

At this time of year I am most thankful for the good health of my family and friends and the strong relationships we have. The relationships that come with step or blended families can be very complex. Getting along with new inlaws, etc. is the easy part, the tough part is getting along with the ex-es.

In our case I think we do better than most. Rick’s ex is in another state so we have little contact but mine lives a couple of miles away and has always been very involved in the kids lives so we see him quite a bit. Though it’s not always been easy we decided long ago it’s best for everyone if we would get along. Though we’ve been divorced for some time we are still friends (here we are dancing together at my 50th birthday party last month). We still consider each other family, divorcing someone doesn’t take them or their family out of your life, especially when there are children involved so you have to make the best of it. For us it has been the best way, the family just gets bigger.

I hope many of you have similar relationships, it is certainly better than the alternative.

Carmen

Stepmom, Stepdad, Stepkids, Blended Family, Stepfamily - We are on YouTube!

Check out our new YouTube Channel. Share your thoughts via video commenting - upload your stepfamily videos, and so much more. So, HIT PLAY and and stop by our YouTube channel so say hello!

From Carmen's Point of View - Fear of Failure

These are all great comments! I too have an issue with failure, I don't like doing something i'm not good at so often it's hard to try something new but I try not to let it stop me. Though it seems silly now I have a story about junior high school. I wanted to try out for cheerleading and went as far as going to tryouts, getting dressed, then I chickened out and went home. I regretted it for years. Though it's really not important anymore, it still bugs me that fear of failing kept me from trying out, I always remember that when i'm up against any challenge.Carmen

Thank you for your insight & honesty re: Fear of Failure

THANK YOU FOR YOUR COMMENTS! To All Of You That Posted Comments Re: Fear of Failure:

Thank you for your insights and personal experiences. The concepts of failing, and conversely success, often generate an array of emotions. What motivates us to succeed is extremely important. I agree with the majority of you who commented that fear of failure often motivates us to successses. Some of our greatest inventors, business people, teachers, doctors, attorneys, politicians (and the list goes on and on) have succeeded after one or many failures. They have learned from mistakes and have been energized by their frustrations and disappointments. Where would we be today without their vision and self-assured drive? Your comments have reinforced that many of us use fearing failure as a positive tool. Fewer are disabled or immobilized by failure, but this phenomenon does occur. As one of you wrote, setting lower expectations helps one avoid failure; is this really a solution?

I appreciate your reading the Step-Forum blog. Carmen and I try to write about interesting topics as much as we can, and we post almost daily so subscribe today! Please also visit our website.

Dr. Rick